Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I need to align my fucking chakras
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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