Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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