I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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