When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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