If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
