Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
