sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
