found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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