you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
