I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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