i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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