you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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