Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
