you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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