Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
