So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
