you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
