1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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