I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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