i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You don't make any sense
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