just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
this will be a night to untag.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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