I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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