Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
