***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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