yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
