Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
