I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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