There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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