if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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