Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i wish my penis had a tongue
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
