I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
