Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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