i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You are the jesus of drinking
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
