so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
