i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
