dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
