don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
