well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
