booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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