Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
