I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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