So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
