i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
