I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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