enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
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