You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
