My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
