I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
