So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
