some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
