Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
