bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
