This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
