im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
