So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
